your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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