U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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