VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
