I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
