What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize