Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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