sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
