I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
