i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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