Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
