That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
