I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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