How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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