hell yes lets make some ravioli
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
