she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
