You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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