Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
