After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
