My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm both gender and math confused
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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