I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
