***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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