I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
