remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
