I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
