I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
