so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
