when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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