he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
