A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
