Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
