How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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