We won't sleep together?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
