I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
