Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
