haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
