Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
