Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
