Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
