you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
