i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
