Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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