i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
