You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
