I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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