Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
