I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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