I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He did a backflip because drugs
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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