No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You took a bar mat shot.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
