I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
