she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
