all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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