For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
