Sry I called you an 8
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
