Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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