After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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