I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
