he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
