He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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