hell yes lets make some ravioli
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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